Dear ridiculous lady,

Just a quick note to thank you for reinforcing the stereotype that we Southerners have of being uncultured and stupid. I’m sure the New York cast of Cats is having quite a laugh over it… I can hear them now, “Stupid Texans. Can you believe that ridiculous lady came on stage and tried to pet Old Deuteronomy?!?”

Frankly, no. I can not believe it. Where on earth did you grow up? How could you possibly think that you were allowed to do that? I just don’t understand. You weren’t at a kindergarten recital- it was a Broadway tour for crying out loud! The more I think about it, the more ridiculous it seems. (And FYI: even at a kindergarten recital – not proper etiquette to bum rush the stage and touch strangers.)

Incredulous,

Lesley

P.S. You should consider calling to check on the stage manager. I’m pretty sure you gave her a heart attack.