Dear "Steve" the manicurist,

Look, I'm gonna cut right to the chase because I'm just not in the mood:

First of all, who do you think you're fooling? Your name is not "Steve". I have nothing against immigrants (I'm one myself!), but I somehow doubt that "Steve" made it into the 1960's edition of Most Popular Vietnamese Baby Names. You feel me?

Secondly... that nail file you're holding? It's meant to be a gentle instrument used in the calm and relaxing ritual of the manicure... not a lethal weapon. Despite what I'm sure has been your experience, people don't usually cry and grimace during manicures. This should be a red flag for you!

Worst manicure experience ever. It literally hurt me to leave that $3 tip - and not just because my fingers were bleeding.

Goodbye forever,

Lesley