Dear rude neighbors,

Where oh where have you gone? Your stinky trash has been sitting outside your door for a whole week without moving! Surely if you were at home you would have moved it by now… right? Or perhaps you are the only people in this building or are missing either the nose from your face or its sense of smell.

If it's the latter, please allow me to clue you in: Your. Trash. Stinks. I know because I walk past it 2 or 3 times a day. Also, the landing outside your door is not a dumpster. In fact, there is an actual dumpster provided for just such an occasion and it is only a block away! You pass it every time you come or go from your home, so you must know where it is located. That big, metal box on the corner? THAT'S the dumpster and that's where your stinky trash belongs.

I noticed that you were charged a $25 fine for your stinky trash rudeness. (Classy of you to leave the fine notice on your front door for an entire week, by the way.) In addition to this $25, I think you should voluntarily give $5 to each of your neighbors towards the purchase of air fresheners and/or gas masks. Thanks in advance.

Awaiting my $5,

Lesley