Dear man who just won £35 million in the lottery,

Hello, how YOU doin'? I'll cut right to the chase: I hear you're single, I happen to be single too. Why not marry me and end your singledom? I can learn to enjoy any of your hobbies and even if I don't like your friends, I can pretend that I do (I'm actually already very good at this).

Obviously, my cooking and housekeeping skills are irrelevant as your new fortune will easily supply us with a fully staffed home. And now I know what you're thinking, but no, it won't be difficult for me to adjust to the lavish lifestyle. And supervising the help will be no problem either. I think I'll do it quite well, actually.

If you take a few minutes to think it over I'm sure that you will realize, as I have, that this is a win/win situation! No one loses! Now do the smart thing and give me a call...

Ready to shop for an embarrassingly large engagement ring,

Lesley

Dear Strange Woman who changed clothes in the middle of the gym today,

I'm not sure where you're from, but in this - and most every other - country, getting naked in a public place isn't exactly socially acceptable. They have special rooms specifically designed for changing clothes in... they're called "Changing Rooms". (I can totally show you where they are.)

Until then, let me take this opportunity to clear a couple of things up... first of all, I wasn't staring at you. The shock of seeing you whip your pants off must have temporarily paralyzed me, because as hard as I was trying to look away - I just couldn't. Secondly, those other women who acted like they didn't care... they were lying. Really.

Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest.

Hoping never to see your skivvies again,

Lesley

Dear Global Warming,

I know you have a bad rep, but after spending a year with you in Scotland... I've gotta say that you're kind of growing on me. I'm not exactly on Team GW yet, but I'll tell you what -- another month or two of these clear, sunny, 60 degree days and I'm yours! :)

Do something about the 24 hour sunlight and the gale force winds, and I'll have t-shirts made up. (Just something to think about.)

Gratefully Warm,

Lesley

Dear Irish Boss,

Dear Irish Boss,

I've been thinking it over, and you're right. Shirking responsibility for all of your mistakes onto me is a great idea. I mean sure, you have to lie a little. And ok, I sit three feet away from you all day shooting death at you with my eyes. But just look at what you get in return: You get to sit in ease, sipping coffee, losing things, dissing America and being generally rude while I do all the work and clean up behind you. Come to think of it, you are a genius! I wish I had thought of it first. I obviously have much to learn of your Leprechaun ways.

Counting the days until I no longer work for you,

Lesley